The Birds and the Bees

For a culture that forbids its mention, they're sure having a lot of it- sex.

In Nicaragua, like in many Latin American countries, sex is the elephant in the room that nobody dares address. Pregnant people are everywhere- buses, working, strolling down the street with other toddlers in tow, in the check-out line at the grocery store. I have neighbors on either side of my house. If my alarm doesn't go off by 7 am, the shrill cries of my neighbors' kiddos will wake me up (and rather abruptly, at that.) In parent/teacher meetings at school, it is expected that many mothers will arrive toting one if not too wee ones. In fact, it almost looks odd to see a woman in her late teens/early twenties unaccompanied by a child; like if one kid isn't slung over her shoulder tugging at her hair, the other grasped in-hand, something is seriously wrong.

While in my first few weeks here I gaped at the many mothers-to-be and thought, hmm, maybe there are this many in the States too and I just never noticed before. Nope. 'Twas not the case at all. Be not mistaken- Nicaragua is, and has been, experiencing a tremendous population boom. On record over half of the country's populace is under the age of 25. And from the looks of things, it doesn't look like things will be losing momentum anytime soon.

Now, I'm certainly no sexpert here. But through my Nica friends I've sure gotten an earful. And from what I can gather, for every intended pregnancy there are at least three that are surprises. I use the word “surprise” here skeptically; should you really be surprised that A + B(without a condom) = C (baby-on-the-way) ???

Maybe.

Yes, in the more rural parts of Nicaragua there are plenty of women who know that unprotected sex can lead to their expanding girth, but don't precisely know how. But in my town of Diriá, nestled between the two great commercial hubs of Granada and Masaya, these people are no country bumpkins. In fact, there are brigades of teenagers who give a series of presentations about sexual health and family planning. On their own time, no less. And for fun. I've talked to plenty of my high school students and have divined that all of them DO know about the birds and the bees. And if nothing else, for God's sake everyone one in Nicaragua, no matter how dirt-poor, has a television, and the shows here are nothing if not raunchy.

So this is what really stumps me. People know. I know people know. They know full well the risks of unprotected sex, both in terms of STDs and unwanted pregnancy, and yet they STILL do it and act shocked when somebody gets knocked up. Seriously, I can vividly recall when my host brother found out his girlfriend was preggers. The look on his face was priceless, like it was the curse of the Immaculate Conception. He sank down next to me at the kitchen table at looked simply dumbfounded. I tried to be supportive, but my curiosity happened to get the better of me. I needled him a little with “I mean, you were there for it. You played a pretty active role. How could you be taken off guard by this?????” He was at a loss for words. Hmmmm. I wanted to say that it's not like his girlfriend has a Whitney Houstin-and-ghost-in-The Bodyguard experience, but held my tongue.

If people (presumably) know about the birds and the bees, and don't want another mouth to feed, why don't they take the necessary precautions?

Well, you could chalk it up to a bunch of things. Catholicism- if God wants me to have a child, he will give me a child. Machismo- you'd be hard-pressed to find a male here who would willingly put on a condom. Unlike in the States where plenty of guys are paranoid about potential offspring, here the guys don't give a damn because they aren't ultimately held responsible; girlfriends, wives, grandmothers, even aunts and neighbors will pseudo-adopt parentless children. Public embarrassment- it's not like you can just dash into the CVS inconspicuously and pick up condoms or birth control pills here. There's a saying here- “pueblo pequeño, infierno grande.” It means that in small towns, gossip is rampant. In Niaragua, arguably even in the major cities, everyone knows everyone, all their business, who they're sleeping with, who they're cheating on, etc. Although the rumor mill is alive and well, people don't actually like to add fuel to the fire and own up to any of their baggage. You'd have to twist somebody's arm to get them to walk into their neighborhood pharmacy and ask for a pack of Trojans. Seriously. Nobody wants to be “caught red-handed” here. Same goes for women getting birth control pills or the injection- sure, it'd be useful and they might even secretly want to take preventive measures, but they don't want their grandmother's best friend's uncle's neighbor at the health center to see them ask for it. (Ironically, birth control pills, injections and condoms are stocked in all health centers, and dirt cheap if not usually free. There's really no excuse not to take advantage.)

You could also argue that people sort of know how their bodies work, but are still a little unsure. For instance, your average Joe Schmo can deduce that if his girlfriend gets pregnant, he might have had something to do with it. But he might not exactly know how, and why, and what he could have done differently.

It's a tough call. Some opine that people here really and truly “don't know” and that for their lack of sexual education they end up popping out babies left and right. I think otherwise.

I'll leave you on this note. A student of mine who's a high school senior used to come around my house to chat. To be honest, I'm not her biggest fan. I always found her kind of flagrant, like she knew the rules and pushed them. For instance she would sidle up to me in class and ask for extensions on work, when she knows I don't play favorites. She would ask permission to leave class, I would deny her said permission until she finished the assignment, she would leave anyways. One day she even asked for a sip of my water and before I could answer was chugging out of the bottle. Charming, I know. After her transgressions she would see me clearly riled and bat her eyes saying that “oops!” she just forgot and how “no pasó nada. (nothing happened, it's all good)

Said student recently found out she's pregnant.

Judging by her prior actions, when she knowingly flouted the rules, I have a feeling I know exactly how she got herself into this predicament. Only this time, that “oops” can't quite be rectified with a cute little smile and a “lo siento.”

Maybe Nicas know the birds and the bees, maybe they don't. Who am I to say. I will say, however, that sometimes knowing is simply not enough.

You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink. (But it can make a whole lotta babies in the process.)